By Crystal Dawn Morris
At the beginning of a relationship sex is often spontaneous, intense and erotic. This phenomenon is called the Honeymoon phase. It is when the "New Relationship Energy" or NRE, makes everything exciting. Over time the NRE naturally fades, romance dwindles, passion wanes and sex often becomes routine. The Pleasure Game is one way to rekindle the passion and romance in your relationship.
1) Make a date. When life gets busy it is easy to forget to schedule time for you and your beloved to have uninterrupted time together. Turn off your cell phones, shut off the TV, and disconnect from the outside world.
2) Create an altar or temple area by decorating the space where you are going to play so it feels as if you are somewhere special. Use fabrics, candles, flowers or whatever feels right to make the space feel inviting and exotic. I know a guy who surprised his wife by turning his garage into a Temple and making his Harley-Davidson into an altar where he invited her to be pleasured.
3) Take a ritual bath, using it as a transition into sacred time. Allow the bath or shower to wash away the cares of the day. Make a commitment to avoid digressing into mundane concerns about the house, kids or work. Dress in clothes that make you feel special, like a God or Goddess.
4) Sit facing each other; create a bubble around both of you. Use your arms to define the shape of the bubble, imagine it surrounds both of you. This bubble allows you to let go of the outside world and create a safe and sacred space to play the "Pleasure Game." Remove things from your bubble that might interfere with you enjoying the game. Do this by stating out loud what you are removing from the bubble and at the same time make a gesture as you remove it. Examples may include: the past, distractions, anger, work, etc. Then, bring things into your bubble that will enhance the experience and make a gesture as you bring them into the bubble. Examples might include: love, sensuality, presence, trust, etc. Once the bubble is created, share your desires, fears and boundaries related to this game. (Boundaries are what you need to feel safe and stay open.) One person speaks while the other listens without judgment or commentary, then you switch roles.
5) Before beginning the game take a few minutes to look into each other's eyes and breathe together. Allow your hearts to connect and begin to feel the energy flowing between you. Imagine that as you explore pleasure together you are doing it not only for yourselves but for all the men and women in the world.
6) Play the Pleasure Game. Decide how much time you have to play the game and divide the time in half. Pick who will give and who will receive first. The receiver then tells the giver how they want to be pleasured for their allotted amount of time. Then the roles are reversed.
Some requests might include: hair brushing, a pedicure or a massage, acting out a fantasy, performing a favorite sexual act, trying a new sexual position, mutual self-pleasuring, erotic storytelling, getting naked and doing some "Dirty Dancing," making love in a car or some other unusual place. Be creative, ask for what you want. Take this opportunity to be daring and move beyond your comfort zone while honoring your partner's boundaries. Don't insist that they do something they aren't ready or willing to do. When this ritual is done with a playful and open heart it can be a great way to revitalize and enhance your relationship.
Tantra recognizes that everything is alive and connected. It embraces all areas of life as a path to awakening, including sexuality. Sex is seen as a doorway to the Divine. By bringing conscious awareness into this practice we can enhance our connection to our beloved and help make the world a better place to live. The Pleasure Game is one way to reignite the passion in your relationship. Taking time to connect in a special way with your beloved goes a long way toward creating a happy, healthy relationship.
Copyright Crystal Dawn Morris 2009
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