Showing posts with label authenticity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label authenticity. Show all posts

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Parenting for Social Change


This book was written by a woman I met at a Christmas Eve Brunch for Unschooling Mom's that I attended with my daughter-in-law. It contains a powerful message. If we want to live in a world that supports authenticity we have to begin parenting consciously.

Transform Childhood, Transform the World

Parenting for Social Change is about creating new paradigms for parenting that affirm the dignity and respect the rights of all children.

The parent-child relationship is the foundation from which we learn how to interact in the world. As children many of us had our experiences invalidated, our voices silenced, and our needs and wants trivialized by parents or other adults. We learned that the world was controlled by those who had more power. Though we may have experienced glimpses or moments of a different way of being in the world, often those were few and far between. The paradigm of control and domination by those who had power was our primary experience.

A commitment to social justice parenting asks that we examine the biases and prejudices we have been taught about children and childhood. Through honest self-examination of our internalized beliefs and beginning the process of unlearning adultism, we can create deeper, more respectful, authentic, and joyful relationships with the children who share our lives.

We can create a world in which children's voices and lived experiences have value and meaning in what has been adult-dominated world. Rather than seeing childhood as the training ground for a productive adult life, childhood and children can be valued in the here and now.

Social change parenting starts from within. Each of us with the willingness to move beyond the paradigms we were taught can create an amazing place for children (and adults!)in this world. There is not an end-point that results in perfect parenting or a perfect life, but rather an exciting process and journey of learning and growth! Please visit Teresa at her website http://www.parentingforsocialchange.com/
for more reviews, information, articles, ideas, etc.!!

Here is a review by an unschooling mom. See her full post at http://www.wanderwonderdiscover.com/

Parenting for Social Change by Teresa Graham Brett is a wonderful, thoughtful, and honest book for any parent who wants to change and transform their parenting from a place of control, to a place of respect and dignity. Teresa offers her experience, her insight, and her authentic self from her own journey from parental control to parental partnership. Her writing is informative, clear, and cites valuable research on how dominance damages children. She challenges us to question our own social views and how we may treat children as "adults-in-training", rather than human beings with their own right to expression, opinion, and choice. I see so much of myself in her stories and examples as a former authoritarian parent. But, I must say, societal messages are so pervasive, as are our messages from childhood, that even the most peaceful of parents would benefit from reading this book to re-examine the subtleties of conditional love. Here is one of my favorite paragraphs from her book, pg. 96:

"Let's be clear: our work as parents isn't about doing things differently so our children will change. It's not about finding the magic words or methods that will ensure compliance and eliminate disagreements. Instead, it's about examining ourselves so that we can see how our ways of being with children have been constrained by our previously held beliefs, values, and attitudes. We do this so that we can experience authentic relationships with the children we love so that they can live their own lives, free of our baggage."

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Tantra Tip of the Day- Authenticity and Intimacy


You are in the arms of your lover, passion is flowing and your body is feeling good. Suddenly something happens, he says something, she seems distracted or you find yourself lost in thought and your lover reacts. What you do in the next few minutes will determine if you tell the truth, lie or go into denial.
Commonly, when a moment like this arises people choose to stifle their truth, believing if they are authentic they will be judged. This is the moment when you can choose intimacy or separation. If you are making love and you find yourself disconnected from your lover, the first thing is to become aware that you have disconnected. Then see if you can get present again. Let your partner know what is happening. You don’t have to get into a story about it just share the facts.

“I just noticed I am not fully connected to you. Will you breathe with me so I can tune in to you more fully?”

Ask for what you need to be present. It may be to stop for a few minutes and breathe together, to eye gaze, to cry or kiss… Take the time you need to arrive and be fully presence. By showing up and being transparent your lover sees you for who you truly are, not a false projection. By noticing that you had created separation and choosing to reconnect consciously you are deepening the intimacy between you.

What if speaking your truth disrupts the lovemaking and it turns into a discussion? If you find the energy going in another direction then trust the moment. Let go of attachment to outcome and be in the flow. If there is a desire is to deepen intimacy then trust that being open and authentic is more important than an orgasm. As you both learn how to be present, truthful and accepting of what is arising you will discover that the sex improves because aren’t trying to make love and instead are allowing love to flow naturally between you.

What if your lover has a strong reaction and doesn’t appreciate your desire to be authentic and transparent. Isn’t better to discover this early in your relating rather than later you are more invested in the relationship?

Original Art by Paul Heussenstamm,
www.Mandalas.com
(C) Copyright 2009, Crystal Dawn Morris, all rights reserved.
www.TantraForAwakening.com
www.TantraGal.Blogspot.com

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Presence = Better Demos and Deeper Experiences

Last weekend while teaching my Awakening the Ecstatic Body Level One workshop I noticed that consistently the participants were dropping more deeply into each process and being more open and vulnerable with each other. Even the students who had been in my classes before, noticed a qualitative difference and commented on it. As the weekend progressed, I began to ask what I was doing differently than in the past. As I reflected on this, what stood out to me was that I had changed the demos. In the past, I would often explain what I was doing as I was giving the demonstration. This kept me a bit detached from the process and I wasn't as open or vulnerable as I could be. There were several reasons for this,which I won't go into right now.

One thing that has changed, is that I have a new assistant, Jim Miller, who is my friend and lover. It is a pleasure working with a man who I am intimate with, and it adds a depth and power to the demos. Jim suggested it would more effective to do an actual demo and then do any explaining afterwards. I immediately noticed a difference in the quality of my presence after each demo. I allowed myself to be fully in the experience instead of being half participant and half teacher. I also saw that people were deeply touched by the vulnerability they felt watching us being so open-hearted. This in turn opened them up and allowed them to go for it when they were in the process. www.TantraForAwakening.com

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